November 5, 2009
Things I'd Never Even Heard Of
By Beck
So yesterday we took the kids to get their flu shots. There wasn't a lot of debate about it - two of our three kids are in a high-risk group for flu complications AND they get everything. After school, I calmly packed the three of them into my mom's car and we headed across town to get the needles.
The Baby got hers first, clutching her toy stuffed chipmunk who goes EVERYWHERE with her. She winced and it hurt but nothing worse than that. She looked unhappy, so a pretty young nurse pointed out a table full of paper firetrucks and firehats and she happily enough trotted over to grab them. I was crouched next to The Boy, who was about to get his needle, and so she ran over to see me - and fell RIGHT onto her face, splitting her lip open. I comforted her and handed her over to my mom, who sat on the other side of the room.
The Boy had his shot - and it hurt, poor fella - and then it was the Girl's turn and she's scared of needles and she was DRAMATICALLY oppossed to getting it, so I was dealing with THAT, when suddenly my mom called: "Becky! She says she feels sick to her stomach!"
I looked across the room and my baby was turning grey and losing conciousness.
I dashed over and grabbed her and RAN to the nurse's station. A large, calm, elderly nurse took her out of my hands and screamed at the other health workers to CLEAR THAT TABLE OFF NOW. My child was limp and blue and not breathing in her arms. "Her heart is slowing down!" she yelled at the other nurses. "Get that emergency box open NOW! She is IN SHOCK. WHERE IS THE AMBULANCE?"
My child - my little 28 pound girl, my noisy little firecracker - lay completely motionless and grey and cold on a table. Her toy chipmunk lay beside her limp, motionless hand. I thought she was dead. I thought I was looking at my child's dead body.
My mother was in the room again - I had screamed at her to take the other kids OUT, to not let them see this - and she told me later that she thought she was seeing her for the last time, that this was the last time on earth she would see our darling. A nurse who I know came running in and screamed "NO! NOT HER!"
They got the box open. The nurse readied the Epi-Pen, and then looked carefully at my child. She bent down, her ear next to my child's ear.
WHAT WAS SHE DOING, I screamed.
"I'm listening to her," she said calmly. "She's telling me something."
I looked over, and my child's grey lips were moving, her eyes screwed shut.
The ambulance attendants loaded her onto the stretcher. Her eyes were open again, and she pressed her toy chipmunk to her chest, her face grey and her eyes huge and frightened.
She was signifigantly recovered enough by the time she had been in the ambulance for a few minutes to complain about the quality of the ambulance driver's driving. "This is bumpy!" she muttered. "Don't you people know I'm not feeling good?" And then, a few minutes later while I held her icy hands, she whispered to me "Mama, I'm scared. I'm scared of what is happening in my body." And my heart broke and I died.
Her dad came running to meet us, his face white. The Baby was herself enough to want to walk in, and she was instantly surrounded by fussing nurses who took her blood pressure ("again!" she crabbed) and checked her heart and her vital signs and the young doctor came in and told us that she'd had a severe vasovagal synocopal episode - which means basically that the combination of stress + pain had made her pass out and the blood stop going to her heart. So it wasn't, let me be clear, a reaction to the INGREDIENTS in her flu shot. It was the pain of it combined with falling on her face and watching her sister's Dramatic Freak Out that did it. It WILL happen again. Oh grand, says I.
She's okay today. Kind of pasty, but she's curled up in my bed with her brother and sister - who were SO horribly worried about her - and they are reading her stories. Will I ever get over this? Probably not. But she's okay, and maybe someday that horrifying image, the worst thing I ever saw, will fade. Maybe.
Filed under 5 Minutes For Parenting, Beck by Beck
Thanks! Kirtsy is our Favorite. :)
77 Comments on Things I'd Never Even Heard Of »
#1 - Stephanie @ 11:14 am
Oh, I'm sick to my stomach reading this. I hope YOU are ok today.
Steph
#2 - slouchy @ 11:27 am
oh god oh god oh god oh god
#3 - Kyla @ 11:28 am
Oh geez. SCARY.
I'm so, so glad she is okay…but what a horrific moment for you all.
#4 - Emma @ 11:28 am
That is SO awful. I am so sorry. I too hope you are okay.
#5 - Jeni @ 11:31 am
Oh, Beck, this seriously made me cry. I'm so sorry this happened! How terrifying for all of you! I'm sure you're hugging your Baby a little tighter today.
#6 - Heide Mueller-Hatton @ 11:35 am
That is so terrifying. I have several friends who get severe vagal reactions. One has a tendency to lose consciousness if she pushes too hard when she poops. So, there's that. I'm sorry, I don't mean to make light of how absolutely horrible and nightmarish your experience was. My heart just about stopped reading it.
So glad your wee muffin is OK!!!
#7 - Jessica @ 11:39 am
Ho.Lee. CRAP.
Beck, my thoughts are with you and your wee ones today….
#8 - Mom24 @ 11:43 am
I'm so thankful that she's all right. How terrifying!
I've read of girls having this reaction to the Gardisal vaccine, including one death. Very scary stuff.
#9 - EarnestGirl @ 11:46 am
Oh, my tummy flipped over as I read. In recognition. We experienced this or something very close to this - except I was home alone & dialed 911 and by the time the ambulance got there my baby had revived. No, you will never quite get over it. Huge hard hugs & gratitude & cinnamon toast to you & yours Beck. Happy that all is well.
#10 - kate @ 11:47 am
oh God. I also cried while reading. So, so terrifying. And also, I'm sure this hasn't done anything to alleviate the Girl's fear.
Something's niggling at my memory, that I know someone whose child also has those kinds of spells. Sounds absolutely terrifying.
But can I just say? I LOVE the Baby's crabbiness.
#11 - Nadine @ 11:50 am
You got me all in tears! OMG. What a story.
I am so glad she's OK now!
I have never heard of that condition, and I sure hope my children never ever get an episode like that. Are you really sure it wasn't the vaccine?
#12 - Tracy @ 11:51 am
Oh Beck! What a frightening thing for ALL of you to go through. I pray that you all rest in His arms today.
#13 - Angela Nazworth @ 11:51 am
Oh Beck, I cried while reading this…how very very terrifying…praise God she is OK…thank you for taking time to tell others about this…praying for you. Angela
#14 - Janet @ 11:54 am
I have tears in my eyes. That sounds completely horrific. Lots of extra kisses and candy for the Baby today.
#15 - mimi @ 11:54 am
I'm crying now, too. Oh, Beck, how awful. It's the oh-no-not-her from the nurse that completely did me, like if the nurse is freaking out it's serious and also, The Baby is loved wherever she goes, even when she's complaining about the ambulance drivers.
#16 - gretchen from lifenut @ 11:55 am
Oh my God, Beck! What a horrendous ordeal.
I am so glad she is okay and that her care was fast and expert.
You must still be trembling.
#17 - Mary Joan Koch @ 11:56 am
Oh God Beck, this was so terrifying. I can't even i imagine how you must have felt.
#18 - Wendy @ 11:58 am
Wait - It WILL happen again?! What's up with that?!
#19 - Carrie @ 11:59 am
Oh God.
Oh, I'm so glad she's OK.
OH!
#20 - Jen @ 12:00 pm
I cried reading this, Beck. May we all be spared that horrifying feeling that we are seeing our babies' last moments. God, I don't know how you didn't just keel right over. Thank God you were somewhere with nurses and an ambulance at the ready just in case.
I'm so relieved that she's okay, and am sending you a bunch of warm fuzzies today. My best wishes for a safe and well little Beck-baby!
Jen
#21 - feefifoto @ 12:12 pm
Whoa — my heart stopped beating and I stopped breathing for a moment as I read this. What a trauma for all of you! How lucky you were surrounded by medical people.
#22 - Kat with a K @ 12:13 pm
Oh, gosh, how scary. I'm so glad she's okay.
#23 - Amanda @ 12:21 pm
Oh, honey! Let us all focus on the happening again being a reference to her recovery. Hugs!
#24 - Becky @ 12:25 pm
Terrifying. So thankful she's okay.
#25 - Heather @ 12:33 pm
That sounds absolutely terrifying.
#26 - LoriD @ 12:36 pm
My heart is pounding out of my chest. You must have been so terrified. You'll get through it, but never over it, I suspect. It has been two years since a near tragedy happened with my son and I still can't even think about it without getting teary and anxious.
#27 - pieces @ 12:41 pm
OMG.OMG.OMG. I'm so glad that she is okay.
#28 - Krista @ 12:56 pm
Holy cow that's so crazy! I'm so glad she's okay and glad that you at least were at the doctor when it happened and that they could give you a name and a reason. Here's hoping it doesn't continue like they said…
#29 - Hillary @ 12:59 pm
Oh wow! I can't even imagine how scary that must've been!
#30 - Chantal @ 12:59 pm
OMG Beck that is the scariest thing I have ever heard of. THANK GOD she is okay. I now totally understand why you are so shaken! WHOA! Take Care.
#31 - chrissy @ 1:06 pm
I'm sobbing. Sobbing! That is just so horrifying. Thank God thank God thank God she is okay.
#32 - Karen @ 1:09 pm
oh, Beck. I'm so sorry. Poor Baby poor all of you. Why does it have to happen again. She's too small for this. It ain't right. Cuddle up, bake something, sleep in.
#33 - SSBeacon @ 1:24 pm
I want to vomit. So very very glad there was a happy ending to the post. Your poor-Queen-Victoria-esque-baby, she is a treasure.
#34 - patois @ 1:26 pm
Oh, Beck, I am so happy that she is fine. Tears, streaming, but totally totally happy for you and all of yours.
#35 - Nicole @ 1:47 pm
Oh no. The poor thing. And you! What a terrible experience, I can't even begin to imagine. I'm so glad it all turned out well, but what a horrible, horrible experience.
#36 - suburbancorrespondent @ 1:57 pm
The worst thing about close calls is the aftermath: every time you close your eyes, you see what might have happened. I suggest a Valium prescription.
Glad she's all right! But you'll never be the same.
#37 - christine @ 2:00 pm
dear god beck i am all teary and sad and RELIEVED that she is ok. i can't even image i don't want to imagine. thank goodness, thank goodness.
#38 - Sherri K. Edman @ 2:04 pm
Augh. No words. Sympathy, though.
#39 - Christina @ 2:25 pm
oh god. I am so so so sorry. What a horrible experience for all of you. I can't even imagine how awful that was. I am so glad she is doing okay! Thoughts are prayers are with you all.
#40 - Alice B @ 2:32 pm
That was a terrifying episode. I'm so glad she's feeling okay now. Terrifying.
#41 - canadacole @ 2:43 pm
Terrifying. Absolutely. I hope YOU are able to recover! (I'm sure the Baby is already up to her usual antics).
#42 - Carrie @ 2:57 pm
Oh, my goodness, that is the scariest thing I've ever heard!!! What are you to do if it happens again????
#43 - Erin @ 3:26 pm
I was on pins and needles reading this. I am so relieved that she's alright and it was not something medically wrong (i.e. a reaction/allergy of some sort). I hope soon you will all normalize a bit. I am so sorry this happened….
#44 - Kat @ 3:42 pm
I feel nauseous reading that. I have a lump the size of China in my throat. I can not imagine how horrible and scary and helpless that felt.
So glad she is well again. "Don't you people know I'm not feeling good?" Haha! Oh that girl. That GOD she is okay.
#45 - Susanne @ 4:09 pm
Oh my gosh, Beck. I felt sick just reading this. I am so glad she is okay. How horrifying. I pray God would bring peace to your mind. Her words about the driving of the ambulance drivers did crack me up though. She is quite the character.
#46 - Allie @ 4:11 pm
Oh man.
#47 - Minnesotamom @ 4:15 pm
This was BY FAR scarier than any of your Halloween stories. I was literally in tears through most of it. Not a fun story for any mommy to read, much less an over-the-top-hormonal pregnant one. Hope that there's a way to erase it from your memory…
#48 - Hannah @ 4:35 pm
Oh good gracious Beck. My heart was racing reading this, even though I knew it had to turn out okay. But I do love how the Baby kept some vestiges of her Personality through it all. Glad you all are recovering.
#49 - Sarah at themommylogues @ 4:48 pm
Reading this made me nauseous. And it made me cry. And it made me feel panicky that my children are not in this very room with me at this moment. How insanely awful. I'm thankful that at least she was in the company of nurses when it happened. And I don't care what they say, I hope it never happens again. Ever.
#50 - magpie @ 5:23 pm
OMG - I'm so glad she's okay - and that it happened in a medical office. Poor Baby.
(I faint too - some stress/pain thing and I topple over. Once I got dragged off to the ER in a bus.)
#51 - carrien (she laughs at the days) @ 5:31 pm
Seriously sobbing here, while I hold my not yet 20 pound Little in my lap and live that moment with you while you tell it.
I would want to stay curled up in bed with her for at least a week after that.
#52 - Jen @ The Short Years @ 6:12 pm
Oh my gosh. SO scary. I was in tears and I don't even know your child. At least it happened while you were still at the doctor's office and not in the car on the way home. How horrible for all of you, but glad she is okay.
#53 - Hetha @ 6:26 pm
Oh shit. Beck you have aged about 17 years, no? I'm so relieved for you that she is okay and that's it's a new day. I've seen E blue lipped and motionless too and I don't think it's possible to ever forget it, or get over it. I'm not sure I want to, actually.
#54 - Alison @ 7:03 pm
Oh my God, how awful. Miss Pink had a febrile seizure when she was a year old and when her eyes rolled back in her head, I lost it. This sounds so much worse. So thankful she is okay.
#55 - Kelly @ 8:10 pm
Oh my stinkin' word. What a HORRIBLE afternoon.
I pray you'll be able to shake the emotions and the visual. I truly believe living in the aftermath of a traumatic experience like that can cause PTSD.
SO GLAD everything is OK.
#56 - Christa @ 9:14 pm
I read your blog all the time, and I love it. I've never commented. My little guy has done this, twice. Once with me, and once at Bible School, when I wasn't with him. It is totally terrifying. I am so sorry it happened to you.
#57 - Lisa b @ 9:29 pm
oh. my. god. Beck.
I am impressed you can write about that so soon.
I have had the same reaction to a shot, but not for years, so I hope she will grow out of it.
Being calm and sitting down really helped me, so I hope, for all your sakes you can avoid this by doing the same because I cannot imagine how terrified you all must have been.
#58 - MacKenzie @ 9:57 pm
Your poor girl. Major fainting episodes like that are not fun at all. I've had a number of them. When I was a young girl I scared my mother half to death when I fainted and she couldn't feel my pulse after I hit my elbow on a towel rack. But long term, no damage done. I just have to be aware of situations that might trigger it (shots, eye drops, dehydration).
#59 - Michelle @ 10:52 pm
oh my goodness! I can't imagine this is something you would ever be able to get over - that image you've left in all of our heads. I'm so so glad she is ok, but so sorry for the scare you all went through!
#60 - Fairly Odd Mother @ 11:23 pm
Ohhhhhhhhhhh. I don't even know what to say. I'm so, so, sorry–you must've aged 10 years in 2 minutes!
And, this is totally an aside, but what was she saying to the nurse?!?!
Deep breath—they say it'll happen again? If there is any bright spot, at least you will be ready next time.
#61 - rimarama @ 11:45 pm
So, so, so glad that it ended well. I think my heart skipped a beat, just reading this . . .
#62 - Julie Bo Boolie @ 12:07 am
Thank God she's o.k.. I can't imagine but I'm in tears just thinking about it.
#63 - Jennifer @ 12:22 am
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight! I'm so glad things are ok. Hug tighter tomorrow.
#64 - Sue @ 12:35 am
Oh Beck. Hon, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's worse - seeing that happen to your child or knowing it will happen again. So relieved to hear that she is o.k. tonight - my heart was in my throat as I read this. Shower her in hugs and kisses, if she will tolerate it. Take care, my friend.
#65 - Painted Maypole @ 1:01 am
i'm glad i read first that she was better today. horrifying, beck, just horrifying.
#66 - Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) @ 4:05 am
That is sooooo terrifying I cannot even begin to imagine it.
I am so sorry that you had to have such a scare, but what a blessing that she is okay.
#67 - badness jones @ 7:19 am
Oh Beck….I'm so glad she's okay…I've never heard of such a thing…is it something that happens because of a pre-existing condition? And if it will happen again, what tools are they giving you to avoid and manage it? Hugs to all of you.
#68 - Nowheymama @ 9:18 am
Oh, Beck. I am so upset yet so relieved. And ditto Badness Jones' questions: what do you do if it (God forbid) happens again?!
#69 - No Mother Earth @ 9:37 am
Oh god. Thank goodness all is ok now. My heart just sunk into my stomache reading this.
#70 - Happy Geek @ 9:39 am
I can't even imagine.
So glad she is OK now.
#71 - Marie @ 5:42 pm
I am so glad that she is okay. I cried reading this.
I don't even want to imagine what that must have been like for you.
#72 - melissa @ 10:20 pm
how horrifying!
#73 - edj @ 5:58 pm
Oh Beck!! I'm so glad I'm reading this after it's over. I can't even imagine! So very very glad that she's fine, and wishing you a speedy recovery.
#74 - Mozi Esmes Mommy @ 7:54 pm
How incredibly scary! Glad she's in recovery…
#75 - Ayalla @ 12:52 am
You must have been so scared. We went through something similar last winter. Our baby girl had bronchiolitis. Her oxigen level was dropping. Her body going limp, slipping away in my armes. I went cold, switched completely to auto pilot. I was singing to keep her concious while the nurse ran to fetch the doctor. And the intubation kit. We pulled through as well, but her limp little body is something I will never forget. I wish you and your little firecracker a wonderful, lively, noisy weekend.
#76 - Liz @ 8:57 pm
How awful! SOOO glad to hear that she's okay. And I have trouble with that passing out thing so you may find her episodes are more like regular fainting and less gray as she gets older. That's easier to deal with.
#77 - Amelia @ 12:43 am
I just read this and I am in tears. They should make them stronger, our babies. God should make them stronger. We shouldn't have to worry about them slipping away in the blink of an eye. I am so, so glad she's OK.