A Dose of Humor – A Day at the Beach

Over the weekend, we traveled to Lake Michigan with my family, including the stinkin‘ cutest nephew you’ve ever seen. It was Madeline’s first trip to the beach and Joe and I were so excited for her.

It was a fun day but we learned some important lessons:

• Going to the beach as a parent is not relaxing; fun, but not relaxing. Leave your three books and crossword puzzles at home. They will only come home untouched yet full of sand.
• It’s OK to overpack clothes. Do not overpack food because Wheat Thins lightly coated with sand are not tasty. Extra pudding cups are fine, though.
• If you would like your child to sleep most of the car ride so they are refreshed when you arrive, prepare for them to fall asleep five minutes before you reach your destination. Literally…
• If your child has not experienced sand before, do not set her down without immediate support. She may or may not face-plant into the sand and subsequently hate it for the next 40 minutes.
• Wanting your child to begin enjoying the beach as soon as possible, you might be tempted to think you can apply sunscreen on the beach. Don’t. Apply it in the car before a possible sand-hating experience.
• Suncreen is much harder to apply properly with tear streaks and a snotty upper lip. Plus, it is guaranteed to move your child’s emotional level from “upset” to “hysterical.”
• If your child hates the sand and sunscreen, do not attempt to cheer her up by dipping her toes in the lake. This will only make matters worse.
• If your child hates the beach at first, make sure to bring along a stinkin‘ cute nephew who can show her how to enjoy it because she won’t believe her parents.
• Once she enjoys playing in the sand, know that she will only want to play in direct sunlight. Do not attempt to reposition her under your thoughtful umbrella. In a toddler’s mind, shade takes all the fun out of playing on the beach.
• You will spend the rest of the day silently panicking about third-degree burns on your precious child. Don’t fight it; just apply sunscreen multiple times.
• However, don’t worry so much about your child’s delicate skin that you forget about your own pasty skin and completely burn.
• Huge, Jackie O. sunglasses are cute. Huge, Jackie O. raccoon eyes with a burnt nose tip and cheeks are not.
• Worrying about skin cancer also blocks any memory of bringing two cameras and a video camera. Ugh.
• Do not expect to eat until four hours after you arrive at the beach. Eat in the car. I repeat, eat in the car.
• Once you ready to finally eat, sit away from children armed with tiny plastic shovels.These are more accurately described as sand launchers, especially when your delicious plate of potato salad is within firing distance.
• Two words: hand sanitizer. (Is it a law that public bathrooms and gas station bathrooms must be filthy?)
• On the ride home, your child will sleep through five adults laughing hard at Demetri Martin on CD but will wake up once the noise subsides. Go figure.
• You will arrive home exhausted but as a parent, you can’t crawl into bed right away. However, 20 minutes later, you will catch a second wind and find yourself wide awake, eating the remaining pudding cups and wondering why SNL isn’t funny.

It really was fun and I want to take Madeline back. But I can wait until next summer to do it all over again.

This post was originally published on August 4, 2008 at Heart Gone Walking

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